People Reveal Funniest Things They've Heard Others Say In Their Sleep

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satirequeen
Aug 2, 2021 2:30 PM EDT

If you've ever slept next to someone who talks in their sleep, you'll know how utterly terrifying (but also hilarious) it can be. Seeing someone suddenly sit up straight in a zombie-like trance, eyes open, and utter total nonsense is not only terrifying but can be annoying, especially if it's woken you up. But all-in-all, it's more funny, than anything else, and these people are proving that by sharing the funniest things they've heard other people say in their sleep.

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  • 01
    Text - Joanna Hardy @Joanna_Hardy 00 Good morning to everyone except my partner who, at 2am, mid-dream, sat bolt upright in bed and terrifyingly shouted into the dark: "Will there be a buffet?" 9:44 AM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 9.9K Retweets 1.8K Quote Tweets 166.2K Likes
    via @Joanna_Hardy
  • 02
    Text - Tim Boxall ôi 000 @timboxall Replying to @Joanna_Hardy and @ladybex1994 As an active dreamer, I took to recording myself. The finest idiocy was me giving a15 minute interview on the validity of cloning dinosaurs, cutting off their heads, glueing them onto headless corpses then reanimating them as a workforce for Aldi. 2:40 PM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for Android 10 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 636 Likes
    via @timboxall
  • 03
    Text - bernadette 000 @arcaciarose Replying to @Joanna_Hardy One night, my sleeping boyfriend woke me up by poking me in the shoulder then shouted: "booo!! Boooooo!" all while giving me the thumbs down. Then just rolled onto his back and folded his arms with a little giggle. O Self esteem still hasn't fully recovered. 3:28 PM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 15 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 788 Likes
    via @arcaciarose
  • 04
    Text - Mark Blacklock 000 @MarxMedia Replying to @Joanna_Hardy Much better than a partner who rises bolt upright slowly, silently as if from the grave, turns her head to look at you in the darkness- and then after full 20 seconds (that's a long time to be stared at in the dark) lies back down. Thought I was going to be murdered in my sleep. 1:19 PM · Jan 5, 2021 Twitter for iPhone 62 Retweets 13 Quote Tweets 2.4K Likes
    via @MarxMedia
  • 05
    Text - Jake Archibald 000 @jaffathecake Replying to @Joanna_Hardy Last night my other half rolled over and whispered "probably not going to need all these parachutes". 1:15 PM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter Web App 75 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 2.8K Likes
    via @jaffathecake
  • 06
    Text - Jake Archibald 000 @jaffathecake Replying to @jaffathecake and @Joanna_Hardy Although the best one is when she woke me up, shaking me and shouting my name again and again. Her: JAKEJAKEJAKEJAKEJAKE Me: What? What is it? Her: I think we should go to sleep now [rolls over and starts snoring] 1:39 PM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter Web App 67 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 2.6K Likes
    via @jaffathecake
  • 07
    Text - Angel Storey @Acap42 000 Replying to @Joanna_Hardy My ex, who works in restaurants, used to take orders out loud in his sleep. So I used to mess with him saying things like, "excuse me, I ordered the coffee cake" or "this steak is overcooked" and he'd get so flustered and say things like "right away, ma'am!" Hilarious every time. 3:25 PM · Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 4 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 188 Likes
    via @Acap42
  • 08
    Text - Dr. Sandy Hughes @SandyHughes17 000 Replying to @Joanna_Hardy and @notmeanspirited A friend's father used to sleepwalk. His mother awoke at 2 AM to find his father opening, shutting, opening shutting, opening, shutting the blinds in the bedroom. She asked what he was doing, and he said, "I don't know, but they've got the wrong man for *this* damn job." 11:47 PM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 26 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 399 Likes
    via @SandyHughes17
  • 09
    Text - Judith Lucy-Borden @BordenLucy 000 Replying to @Joanna_Hardy Reminds me of when my husband woke me at 2am by proclaiming "Don't worry, I've got a cricket trophy in my locker, but you need to RUN AWAY NOW or there won't be crumpets" (pause) then a sinister whisper "Too late, they're coming for you now.." He slept well. Oddly, I did not. 1:34 PM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter Web App 8 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 319 Likes
    via @BordenLucy
  • 10
    Text - Huw Pritchard 000 @HP_Chap Replying to @Joanna_Hardy and @ BillieBelieves Once I woke up because I felt as if my foot was doing circles in the air. I dismissed it as a dream and tried to go back to sleep only for it to happen again. My wife was at the bottom of the bed with my foot in her hand. I looked at her, and she asked "Is this an arm?" 11:31 AM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter Web App 11 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 719 Likes
    via @HP_Chap
  • 11
    Text - BlotReport @BlotReport 000 Replying to @Joanna_Hardy My partner did something similar; sat bolt upright in bed, pointed at the cat on the end of the bed and shouted 'dead vegetable'. 12:10 AM Jan 6, 2021 · Twitter Web App 2 Retweets 8 Likes
    via @BlotReport
  • 12
    Text - julie rees @reesjv 000 Replying to @Joanna_Hardy Dont get me started he has saved me from aliens by pushing me out of bed and throwing the duvet over me, chased vampires and lions and when he was a stationery rep did me a good deal on red and green pens at 2 in the morning. 10:51 AM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for Android 12 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 803 Likes
    via @reesjv
  • 13
    Text - Gin 000 @inkedgin Replying to @Joanna_Hardy "They warned me of goblins. Cute but you can't trust him. They are sneaky. I'm currently in the bath with one (Pause) Scrubbing him clean" - I laughed so hard I couldn't go back to sleep. My husband didn't believe he said any of those words. Last sentence is a family favourite. 6:24 PM · Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for Android 1 Retweet 221 Likes
    via @inkedgin
  • 14
    Text - FENS Rhona Long 000 @rhonahowie73 Replying to @Joanna_Hardy 3 faves from an ex: 1. Upon my asking what he was doing, patting the bottom of the bed: "looking for the coconuts" 2. As I woke up to him tightly tucking me in the covers: "you're naked & the man is looking at you!" 3. Bolt upright: "Take off my trousers? What? All of them?!?" 10:56 PM · Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for Android 42 Likes
    via @rhonahowie73
  • 15
    Text - HateHypocrisy @BritishPolitico 000 Replying to @Joanna_Hardy My 3 year old started shouting in her sleep, " But I don't want to be a chicken" 10:40 AM Jan 5, 2021 · Twitter for Android 67 Likes
    via @BritishPolitico

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